I’ve decided to get in the habit of writing daily. I don’t really care about topic at this point. So, I may ramble a bit. “In Cook Den,” is just raw writing for the purpose of writing something.
I had a brilliant, amazing day. I’m so happy, the happiest I’ve been in a very long time… a spark of true happiness twinkling in the deep, dark depths. As a widow, even what seems like the happiest moments are swept away by a tidal wave of grief. There is no escaping the suffocating pain that washes over those moments that, under different circumstances, fill a heart with joy. Today’s victory, like all joyous moments, has this gravity that pulls the burning tears from my eyes. This tide is simply part of who I am, now. However, tonight.. I’ve felt a shift. Though the tears may be in memory of my beloved and beautiful people, these tears are not the same thieves in the night, carrying me away in a flood of despair. Tonight, they celebrate with me.
One thought on “In Cook Den: Let the sunshine in…”
I learned last year, in earnest rather than conceptually, that happiness and grief co-exist within the same event or life experience. Life isn’t binary. Many people watching you grieve want to “fix” it. They are usually well-intentioned but it’s a disservice to the process. Hugs, my friend. Let’s get our boys together to play soon, yes?